


Breathe

by respierra



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, so many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2013-08-12
Packaged: 2017-12-23 06:57:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/respierra/pseuds/respierra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tendo is overcome by his own guilt. Mako helps him in her own way. Written for a prompt on the kink meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breathe

Its not the first time, and it certainly won't be the last.

He's curled up in the hallway, hands over his ears, trying to block out muffled screams and the sickening tearing of metal that means someone isn't coming home tonight. His heart thuds distantly and his fingers are numb. No matter how much he tries to force the dread that is rising in his throat down, he can't, its too much and the cracks in his facade are starting to show, starting to let in the panic and the fear that he is not supposed to let get to him. But he failed today, and its another scar in his skin that litters his body to the point where he thinks that, when he dies, they won't even recognize him underneath all of the blood he has on his hands.

Tendo collapses even more into himself. He trembles and it feels like there's an earthquake inside his soul. Muted sobs slip out, his control is breaking too fast for him to catch up. He won't stop shaking and it hurts. It pains him to lay there alone, yet at the same time he's glad that no one is there to see him like this. He takes a deep breath and concentrates on making the anxiety gripping his heart fade away. 

One, two, three. He repeats it in the dizzied, foreign languages from forever ago, back to a time when he could remember the faces of his parents, the blueness of the sky. 

Now, the sky is only black and his parents are among the nameless dead, buried without a proper funeral and time to mourn.

He can still feel the dampness on his skin, and his core is hollow. They told him about this, the terror, the depression, the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that comes with watching friends die through an HD screen. Even with the calming techniques he is unable to relax, to take in oxygen properly, and he feels the start of another wave of despair course through his veins when a small hand runs through his hair.

Tendo goes motionless as the hand continues to pet his head, short, gentle strokes that make him release his breath and look up. He is greeted with the sight of bright eyes and round cheeks. Mako brings her other hand, so tiny compared to his face, and places it on his cheek, wiping away his tears. He tries to turn away, but she is stubborn like her father, holding him with both hands now. Her eyes are knowing, too knowing for her age, and Tendo remembers that she has seen destruction as well. Cleaning the wet tracks on his face, she says calmly: "Do not be sad, Oji." 

He wants to say something, wants to lie and brush off his sadness as nothing, but there is no point. She sees no weakness in his tears. 

Mako senses that he wants to speak, and silences him by leaning her forehead against his. She wraps her arms around his neck, standing on the tips of her toes to do so, and patiently waits for him to do the same. When he does, the tight line of his mouth has softened and he doesn't feel so cold now. 

She shuffles closer into his arms and rests her head on his shoulder. When she talks again, it is even softer than before, a muffled "It will be okay" into his shirt. 

Closing his eyes, Tendo lets out a sigh, hugging Mako, and finally he is able to breathe again.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this prompt: http://pacificrimkink.livejournal.com/1613.html?thread=2251341#t2251341
> 
> "As someone who a) drinks more coffee than any single human being should conceivably be allowed to consume and b) suffers from some pretty severe stress/anxiety issues that aren't even remotely related to having the direct fate of pilots and the indirect fate of the entire world in my hands, I'm really curious as to how Tendo deals with having such a damned stressful job. 
> 
> Does he have anxiety? Does he blame himself for deaths that he could have prevented if he'd managed to figure out something about the Kaiju earlier? Did he have some PTSD stuff going on after everything he went through during K-Day? Does the poor guy even sleep? He's calm and collected at LOCCENT, the picture of composure, but what about those rare moments when he's alone in his quarters while the world is falling apart?
> 
> And more importantly, how does he get himself over it? How does he calm down? Does the ridiculous amount of coffee contribute to helping or hurting? Who helps him? Because oh my word I love Tendo and I'd love to see more introspective stuff about him. 
> 
> If at some point there's a wee Mako holding Tendo's face in her tiny hands and shushing him in that way young children do, I'll probably cry."
> 
> 'Oji' in Japanese means 'Uncle'. Its a small headcanon of mine that Mako as a little girl had a title for everyone in the shatterdome. Tendo is Uncle, Stacker is Father/Teacher, Chuck is Cousin, etc. Occasionally Mako still refers to them by these names, and it makes everybody's heart melt, especially Tendo's.


End file.
